Help Wanted!

How do you help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves? Someone who is so desperately in need of help, but unless they take the first step, you can’t really do anything for them?

I live with a family member who suffers from multiple mental illnesses. And by multiple, I mean the unfortunate reality of co-morbidity in people with medical conditions. What started off as depression, quickly turned into an uncontrollable rage, which (in my opinion) can only be helped through some sort of anger management therapy.

I absolutely love this family member of mine. And at one point in our lives, we were reaalllllly close. We would play video games together, watch the same TV shows, listen to the same music – you get the point, we had a lot in common. But once this anger seeped in, watching TV became throwing the TV onto the ground and smashing it into pieces. Listening to music became blasting music in hopes of tuning everything (both external and internal) out.

Countless attempts at talking and consoling became futile because eventually, each conversation would always end up in an argument. Playful conversations would become a battle of the wits where you were demeaned and shown as an inferior being that never cared for anyone or anything in your life. Your values, beliefs, and morals were constantly questioned, and anything you tried never seemed to work.

I’ve gone through so much research on this topic, and I myself am a psychology graduate, so I do have some sort of understanding on mental illnesses. But most of this research was geared towards people who isolated themselves by being quiet, and shut everyone out by not wanting to be around anyone.

This family member of mine is the complete opposite. Yes, they isolate themselves and shut everyone out – but not in the ways the textbooks described. This person is angry all the time. Constantly punching walls, slamming and breaking doors, insulting and yelling at everyone, etc.

My question is (sorry it took me so long to get here): how do you help someone of this nature? And how do you keep yourself calm and patient when situations of this kind occur? Therapy and medication also have proven not to work because this person doesn’t partake in any of those options, and you cannot force someone to do something they just don’t want to do.

I truly believe love is the answer to everything, but how do you keep that love when this person constantly brings you down? Some might argue to just forget about them, and that they’re the ones who are missing out. But it’s quite impossible for my family or me to just give up on this person. We want them to get better. We want them to know that we will always love them and we will always be there for them. And above all else, we are on their side! We are not against them – never have, never will be.

If anyone has gone (or is in) a similar situation, please comment below and share what you did during this time! How did you manage the situation, and even if you haven’t been in a similar situation, I’d love to know: what are your thoughts on this matter?

Until next time my fellow readers, bloggers, and internet trolls alike, I bid you farewell, and wish you the best for today, tomorrow, and for all your days ahead.


2 thoughts on “Help Wanted!

  1. Nabeel Khan says:

    Siblings are complicated. Not necessarily one person’s perspective on life is the altruistic reality of how others are emotionally feeling or emotionally dealing. I used to believe that my knowledge of Islam was the perfect indicator of what went on in another person’s life but if my years have taught me anything it is that I was completely false. It wasn’t until I had experience understanding people of other faith and how they view things that totally changed my perspective on things.

    Some things made me incredibly happy but in fact were hideously unamusing and even in some cases considered irritable for some of my most close non-Muslim friends. It didn’t mean they were depressed or angry with me… or anyone at all. I learned it was just their nature as was mine. Something we are all entitled to have.

    As people grow older it is true they change and that does become difficult when you felt really close to someone who no longer sees the world in the same light as you still do. It’s all part of growing up. Figuring out who you are and what sort of person you want to be in this world. What sort of impact you want to make.

    The problem is being able to be oneself requires an environment where one can freely express their nature. It is possible this family member of yours may feel as though they are not in their proper ‘environment’. Anger, sadness… these emotions usually tend to stem from nothing more than having unachieved aspirations from my perspective.

    But I am sure you might understand this person (As you are related to them) better than I do. Maybe you should just try speaking to them. Taking the step to get to know the person they are now better. It might help alleviate some of your worries. That’s just my two sense.


    • nidarino says:

      I agree that people do change and it is a part of life! Nothing against that. This post was more directed towards how to approach a person who gets angry very easily. I see what you’re saying on the person’s environment and how it can affect their mood/feelings, I agree with that as well. It is difficult though to talk to someone who can snap at any given moment, but yes InshAllah all will be well, and this person is very dear to all of us. Thanks for the advice!


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